from: SyntheticFriday Synthetic.Friday@gmail.com
to: <redacted>
date: Fri, Dec 30, 2005 3:15 PM
subject: Hey doll, gotta cancel...
mailed-by: gmail.com
So, crazy story... My buddy gets into town last night, kid I grew up with, and he decides he wants to party. He's always been of the wild sort, but he has been living out in L.A. for a while now and somehow has even managed to get himself into the playboy mansion a couple of times. The kid's a talker, I tell ya. Anyway, he's been up to all this wacked out shit out there and tells me that he needs to show me an L.A. style party in Chicago. You know me, always up for a rocking night, so I'm in, no questions asked. Off we go to this club on the south side. I've never even heard of the place but judging from the crowd inside I'm the only guy in the city who doesn't know about the place. There's dancing, liquor flying around like it's the last supper, gorgeous women writhing in cages, etc. I even saw some cracked out hipsters trying to break dance. And these girls they have in the cages have to be loaded up on X the way they are making out and feeling each other up. So needless to say, I slap my buddy on the back and congratulate him on such a sweet sweet find. Next thin I know my boy pulls out an 8-ball and tells me that a party like this can't be wasted on the sober. Now who can argue with that? Anyway, long story short I get ripped out of my mind and the next this I know I am locked in this dance cage hovering above the dance floor with these two hot ass Guess models bumping and grinding all over me. All fucked up, I start making out with one, then the other, then both. These two wanted to party pretty bad, so when the cage finally came down to the ground we hopped out and me and my boy escorted them promptly out to our car. We go back to my place, they look around my palace and promptly cream themselves. So needless to say they want to fuck. Again, who can argue with that? So after banging a Guess model like a screen door in a hurricane for four hours straight (cocaine is a hell of a drug) I feel I owe it to her to bring her to dinner. Being the cheap bastard that I am, I figure it I have to buy this check dinner it might as well be on the company dime as opposed to mine. So, I am going to take her to our annual holiday dinner instead of you. I hope you're not mad, I mean, come on, she's a guess model. I figure you'd do the same if you were in my shoes. I showed her a picture of you, and she said she'd totally be down for hitting that while I watched, but, I mean, I just don't want to get caught up in an ordeal between two women, ya know? It's beyond my control, really. Like I said, you understand. Anyway, sorry this is so long winded (I actually think I'm still pretty coked up and it's making me hyper.) I just felt like I should give you as much advance notice as possible. So, again, I won't be picking you up for the holiday dinner tonight.
Peace Tiger,
Synthetic F.
from: <redacted>
to: SyntheticFriday Synthetic.Friday@gmail.com
date: Fri, Dec 30, 2005 3:30 PM
subject: Re: Hey doll, gotta cancel...
mailed-by: gmail.com
<redacted> I hope she likes red meat <redacted>